Speak ain't easy
when I try to convey my deepest feelings
and I don't believe in my own monogamy
I love so many so deeply
that I am in constant pain.

I wish that when I cry out to God
God would answer back
so that I could be what they all say he wants me to be.
But I am not, and doubt that I will ever be,
anything other than me.

If I were a chimpanzee, I'd be the kind that rubs another
and not the kind that plans out wars...
but I am of a type that relates to them
and war and love mix to shake up our lives.

Evolution makes wonderful sense, even for this lover of God

"A Storm blows up by the Tree of Life: My faith and what I believe; my tenet, if you will"

The Tempest and the Qabalistic Cross

I won't deny that I sense the presence of [GOD];
but I will say this to all faiths in this modern age:
The god you worship, is not the GOD I know.
The god you claim exists, isn't the GOD I love.
The part you claim is a part of the GOD I sense.
I can't justly put GOD in a box like you try to do.
God is beyond the box; GOD fills the box; GOD IS the box. Refrain from continually seperating GOD into pieces like SET
did with the limbs of OSIRIS...and it's been a struggle for me to find all those limbs so that they may be connected again.

I have committed various actions in order to rid myself of the instilled dogma prefered by most westerners and what seems to be the world. At age 17, my Christianity Rebellion, if you will, truly began when I finally heard my youth pastor ask for the umpteeth time that he wanted to have a debate with my father. Mind you, he knew that my dad was a biology teacher at my local high school and that he was an "agnostic." I had so little doubt of my father's answer that one could call it faith. However, it wasn't my dad's answer or re-action to my pastor's desire to convert him (or whatever his true intentions were) that caused me to start completely doubting my "reason for existence;" it was the overwhelming realisation that I knew there was no way on earth my pastor would win such a battle. Instead of questioning my youth pastor, I started questioning myself. When it finally occurred to me that my doubting the very existence of God was considered a sin to my Christian community and that I no longer wanted be led along by blind faith. Or in other words, I realised that I could no longer live on bread alone--I needed facts and proof, not just stories and law. I had already heard enough bull from my god-fearing peers in school during science calss and from adult christians at any given time about how God ceated the world in only 6 days. This seemed utterly ridiculous to me and not just logically speaking, as they were inadvertantly claiming that they knew God's Time! No where in this book did it ever say God created the world in six 24 hour periods or six human days...All I could think was," Come on! Get with it. Don't just read your Bible, comprehend it; question it and ask God about it!"

I have always questioned life and existence. In high school, so true to the norm of rebellion, I questioned even deeper and began to cease my church going experience and began to study and to practice various occult and pagan theosophies. In this search of another outlook on the super-natural, I found myself at the cornerstones of Thelema and Satanism...the O.T.O. and The Temple of Set (Thanks to a very special person who, once, regularly manifested himself in my world). Because I still questioned the existence of [GOD] as "He" had been a huge part of my nurtured life, I read The "Good Book" front to back and back to front and determined that a real christ-like person would exemplify what the Bible terms as "the fruits of the spirit." I saw very few of these kinds of people in any and every church I attended or in any venue of those that labeled themselves as such. I found more athiests, agnostics, evolutionists, satanist that bore more of these fruits than the common christian...it seemed these "learned" people (here on out referred to as the "doubters"), due to their knowledge and acceptence of humanity's biological and fleshly needs and desires, seemed to be able to display better understanding and patience with other human beings. Their "faith" was knowledgable (to varying degrees), not blind. I found talking to the "doubters" was much more of a pleasant experience than talking to the "truthsayers" (i.e christians or any other zealous faith based human). The "doubters" spoke using fact based quotes and their own personal experience and perspective. Most of the "truthsayers", not all mind you, quoted or flung irrational quotes of their book or their teacher when something offened them...they in no way kept their cool.