actually..i'm a fairly intelligent guy, i have love handles and no 6-pack, i'm not overly outgoing and definitely don't have an expensive car or lots of money. i'm not above average in attractiveness, my "manhood" is neither undersized nor oversized. i'm not into sports, alcohol, drugs, gambling, kinky sex, or any of the standard macho bullshit. i'm really the cliche "nice guy"; sensitive, funny, likes to talk and listen, spend time with my kids, work in the yard, etc.

but yet, i have a SMOKING HOT wife. she is DROP DEAD GORGEOUS, SEXY, BEAUTIFUL. she's also funny, smart, wise, generous, sweet and everything i could ever want. she's literally my very best friend in the world, and the sex is AWESOME and frequent. we've been together for 10 years, married for 8, and we both trust one another completely without question. she's received plenty of attention/compliments/flirtation from the standard stereotype "hunks" of all ages over the years, but i've never cared nor worried because i know i'm her one and only, beyond a shadow of a doubt. that's how awesome she is.

and i'm just a nice guy who loves her more than anything in the world.

She is who she said. I actually found her exact address (when I sent her flowers almost 2 years ago) by doing a background check. Still, she is not the right one for me - she hasn't even tried to call, message email or whatever since I tlold her, so apparently she doesn't care.

I could never go that far.  I've always viewed it as: I am alone yes, but at least I'm not in a cluster fuck of a relationship.  Of course I don;t have many interesting stories to tell either.  ONly the guys who get into cluster fuck relationships have those.  You could say I am more jealous of the stories they have rather than any girlfriend they might possess (or whom possess them) or relationship they participate in.

Well, you can do what I do with bitches and ignore them.  If you aren't worth their time, they are not worth your time.  Time-worthiness is recipricol and dialectical.  Not universal or objective.

Is it weird that I somewhat envy your lifestyle? When I think about it I have been with one girl or another since I was 15...There has never really been any breaks in between them..Just move on from one to the next..That sounds terrible dont it? Well in my defense they were normally dumping me..Anyway When I think about it Matt maybe some alone time in my life would have been good for me..Things would be different Im sure. For better or worse I dont know. I absolutely adore the women Im with now but I really think I could have used some time somewhere in my life to spend time with just myself...Its true...I kind of envy you Matt..

Well, all I can say at this point is that are value systems differ to the point that they are beyond rational argumentation.  For what it's worth, you are almost real world example of an absurd hero according to Camus.  Your world is without meaning, being that, girls are not interested in you.  Furthermore, you are utterly convinced that becoming interesting to girls is impossible.  Despite all of this though, you long for it knowing you won't have success.  The only thing that is keeping you from being an absurd hero, however, is that you find too much value being liked by the opposite sex which suggests you beleive there is some sort of objective meaning in achieving such a goal.  In time, you might realize the meaninglessness of such an endeavor and become a full-fledged absurd hero

i kinda know AMP off the forums and i think what he was trying to get at is that Matt should take advantage of this time to get to know himself and grow as a person...  find something you like about yourself.  maybe then you can find a girl who also likes that about you as well.

I agree.  Unremitting pain serves no purpose and the logical approach is to extinguish it.....but, why not try a few new approaches while you're still alive and kicking ?   Plan B ( oblivion ) is always there if you truly decide to leap into the arms of eternity but why not take a few baby steps toward some potential progress in the meantime ?

Maybe Shelley should just speak for you fropm now on

listen matt, hang in there.  even being as cute as i am i've had way more than my share of relationship problems.  on the flip side though, those particular problems were what made me realize that i have the best, most supportive friends anyone could ever ask for.  it's not like my friends magically changed or anything - i just finally realized how awesome they are.

it might seem like you can't live without a girl but maybe if you stop thinking about girls for a minute you can look around and see what you do have.  sure, in my case it was friends - in your case it could be cats. idk.  i'm sure there's something of value in your life or you wouldn't have made it to 30.  oh, and talk to your therapist about this - please!

Its true...It so true!

It does kind of beg the question... why don't you just kick the girls to the curb and do your own thing for a while?  It's not like you won't be able to get another when you're ready again.

More fond than any you've had before?

I'm not trying to be a dick, but at least in my life, I haven't kept women I wasn't quite fond of for very long.  If someone's in my life, it's because I like them.  It seems like a bit of a no brainer to say you're fond of them.  Maybe that's why you've always been with someone?  There was always someone you were particularly fond of?

But again, that begs the question.  If it's relatively easy for you to find girls you're fond of, what makes the ones you're with now worth keeping if what you really want is time to yourself?

I guess the thing I'm trying to get at is this.  If you really want time to yourself, you'd have time to yourself, since that would be more important than being with somebody.  When you're with someone and you say you'd rather have time by yourself, that's not really what you mean, or you wouldn't be with them.

Well, yes.  I did maneuver you into admitting it, but I didn't do it just to be mean.  I did it to illustrate a fundamental difference between how you and Matt approach relationships.  When you were doing your band, and in the brief times that you've been unattached, you've been quite happy -- primarily because A) You like yourself, and B) Relationships have often been about the sex for you.

Where that becomes important is when you realize that Matt doesn't care much for himself and wants a relationship for the friendship, support, and companionship, and more importantly, to prove to himself that he's lovable.  Sure, he wants to get laid.  He's human.  But, you can see it all over his posts that he wants external validation from someone else.  That's not something you appear to need as much of.

That's why you and he speak different languages when it comes to relationships, and why being single for you is completely different than being single for him.  For you, single = freedom.  For Matt, single = unlovable.

(Matt, I don't mean to sound as if I'm talking past you.  I just couldn't think of a way to address both of you at once.)

Again, it's a difference of meaning.  What Matt wants to do for himself is get external validation.  That, as they say, is a situation of needing two to tango.

You know, it's funny.  I've had breakups that left me jumping up and down and dancing in my underwear like Tom Cruise in Risky Business.  I've had others that left me in a bottle for months.  My divorce was horribly painful for a variety of reasons.  Having said all of that, I can't think of too many feelings worse than when I was single for almost two years, and hadn't gotten laid in almost a year.

I was in my 30s before I figured out that getting laid isn't the problem -- finding someone you like to get laid by is the problem.  Before then, I had all sorts of strange ideas about what women want, and as a result, most women found me, well... strange.  I think I'm in a pretty neat place to make observations about dating and sex, since I've been on both sides of the fence.  I've been the shy, geeky guy who couldn't get laid, and I've been the entrepreneur bar owner and party animal who turned down hot girls because I wasn't in the mood.

Oh, and Matt, again, I'm not trying to make you feel bad by saying that getting laid isn't the problem.  Clearly it's not always easy, and you have a lot of obstacles in your life.  What everyone in this thread has been trying to get at is that getting laid is directly related to having self confidence and presenting a good image.  So, what I'm really saying is that for guys who have self confidence and take care of their appearance, getting laid isn't the issue.  As you can see from both AMP and my posts, finding someone to be in a real relationship with is hard for everybody.  It seems to me that you're clear in your intention to be in a relationship, not just to find a piece of ass.  I feel like I'm just adding another repetition from a broken record, but getting into a relationship involves having the skill to find a piece of ass, which is another way of saying being able to present yourself as desirable.  Women want someone who thinks he's worth something.  Self worth isn't something we can just dream up and suddenly have.  It comes from accomplishing things and having confidence in your accomplishments.  For you, this boils down to finding a way to lose some weight, make some social connections, and start networking enough to have some confidence.  There's no shortcut or magic formula.   That's how it's done.

I didn't intend to say that they are.  Your points are all valid and true, as far as I can tell.

It's solid advice.  All I was trying to do is show you how Matt is coming at this from an entirely different perspective than you.  Doesn't make your perspective wrong.  You just have different goals.

~sigh~

[/lawyer cap on]

The RRS does not advocate suicide for anyone.  Any views that appear to imply or explicitly advocate suicide are not representative of the views of RRS.  The views expressed by posters are their own responsibility, etc... etc...

[/lawyer cap off]

Your point is well made, though.  Everybody's got their shit to bear.  You know, now that I'm thinking about it, Darwin was probably a virgin when he boarded The Beagle.  There's no evidence that he lost his virginity during the voyage, and there's significant evidence that he was not particularly successful with the ladies for most of his youth.  So it's definitely not like a person can't have a perfectly productive life while not having girls dangling off of each arm.

I know man.  No worries   I just found it funny

LOL

That's a new nickname.  Good work.  It's surprisingly hard to come up with a turn of phrase with Hamby that someone hasn't already thought of.

At any rate, don't give yourself too much credit.  It's amazing how much insomnia and boredom can do to get me into a conversation.

Oh, and at 170 posts, I'm definitely not taking responsibility for the length of this thread.  I've been a hit and run poster compared to you guys.

Has anyone called you The Sandwich as a shortened version of the Ham Sandwich?

But its human nature to take credot for other peoples work . . . right?

Heehee . . I bet thats what she said

Perhaps not but it encourages lateral thinking since one would have to connect the dots from Hambydammit, to Hamby, to Ham, to Ham Sandwich, to simply the Sandwich.  And the Sandwich, to me for some reason, sounds cooler than the Ham Sandwich and will reuslt in more inuuendous (mis)interpretations which is always entertaining.

Matt, have you really tried science to help you with your issues? You know there are life coaches, psychologists and other professionals that can apply science to your problems. Maybe there are researchers that study your medical condition that can help. Have you looked on the Internet, have you tried?

The other option is leaving where you live. I got a certificate to teach English abroad and learned some foreign languages. I now travel around the world to teach Engineering and English. So now I've got 2.5 billion women I can pursue if I choose instead of just the few in my neighborhood. Why don't you try that?

So that's a BIG irrational lie to say your only options are only oblivion and pain. The other option is you changing and adapting. You know that's how evolution works, those that adapt survive.

Your options are oblivion, pain or change.

P.S.

Feeling sorry for oneself is another drug. It runs a close second to religion at being the world's most destructive.

ok, so maybe the relationships haven't been the best... but, you're an awesome father.

OK...so, we're all pitching in and getting Matt a hooker, right?

I'm kind of back with Carla. Shelley, don't come down and beat my ass. She messaged me she was so happy she got the birthday cake I sent her (today - well yesterday now - was her 38th birthday - I ordered it back in January.) She said she'll call me tomorrow. I'm going to demand she stop the ignoring and emotional abuse. I really do think she's willig to change that for me. I do still love her.

i'm not going to come up and beat your ass because you'd like that too much.   However I will call a little later - you might want to turn the phone off.  Not only will you avoid listen to me scream but you also be avoiding a colossal mistake with her.

WTF Matt?  She finally calls because she's happy you bought her something?  Yeah... you can buy 'love' - that must make you feel great!  Can't pick up the phone while you're sobbing on the other end but the moment there's a gift involved she does... yeah, Matt - clearly she willing to change for you.  (That was loaded with sarcasm if you didn't pick up on it.)

What's changed here?  Nothing has.  Seriously Matt - if you're into buying 'love' (translation = attention) I'll send you a list of things I want.  I'll then call and thank you - hell I'm already calling anyway... you can tell everyone I'm your girlfriend and I'll just chill out down here and never have any intention of coming to see you.  Sound familiar?

I just said good luck. I think the whole thing is kind of ridiculous..Really..In love with a girl you never met? Its a waste of time.

I do like what you wrote above though. About buying love. Similar to something I wrote just a few days ago.