Escaping The Overseer (How I learned to doubt)
Posted on: July 30, 2008 - 9:27am
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Escaping The Overseer (How I learned to doubt)
Here's something I'm working on for a book I'm writing. Thought it might be of interest.
Escaping The Overseer (How I learned to doubt)
I am neither a scientist nor a theologian. I have no doctorate in anything. I am no different than millions of other Black men in America. I was once a Christian. I once bowed and scraped and prayed as I had been taught by my parents and grandparents as they had been taught by their parents and grandparents who had been taught by their ancestors who had been taught by their slavemasters.I accepted Christian dogma and mythology without question as I had been conditioned to do. I accepted both the authority of the church and the efficacy of prayers with the blind trust and faith of all young children. I felt it no more possible to question the existence of God than that of the sun or the moon. I internalized guilt as I had been taught to do and worried incessantly about which of the many sins I had already committed and were still likely to commit in the future would be the one that would ultimately damn me to eternal torment. No matter how wretched my living conditions or those of the other Black people around me, no matter the sting of racism nor the burning shame of poverty, no matter how many times I was robbed or beaten or teased or bullied, no matter how many prayers went unanswered, I never questioned God’s goodness or his wisdom or his love. I never questioned that all was in accordance with his plan. I was seventeen before the illusion finally shattered.
There is an old cliche' that everyone wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die. I was perhaps the exception to that rule. I was anxious to die and go to heaven and the wait was killing me. I didn't understand what the purpose of life was. Why did I have to suffer here on earth if God ultimately wanted everyone to join him in heaven? Why couldn't I just kill myself and go join him? I began studying the bible trying to find a loophole that would allow me to kill myself without going to hell. I read the bible over and over again with a critical eye, rejecting everything everyone had told me about it, determined to find the answers myself by going in with a completely open mind, free of all preconceived ideas. This was relatively easy because I had never found it easy to rectify the reality of the streets with what my parents and pastor had told me about the bible. It had never made sense to me, so I had always formed my own opinions about it but I had been doing it from a point of total ignorance, never having read the bible before. When I finally did sit down to read it, what I found horrified me... (more)
http://wordsofwrath.blogspot.com/2008/06/escaping-overseer-how-i-learned-to.html
"Religion is an insult to human dignity. With or without it, you'd have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, it takes religion."
- Steven Weinberg, Nobel Prize-winning physicist
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A shameless plug for an excellent essay (the term blog demeans it)
In fact I'll add a shameless plug for another brilliant essay by the same author on his blog spot:
http://wordsofwrath.blogspot.com/2008/05/invisibility-of-black-atheist.html
A book worth writing WrathJW is worth writing well, but I see you have that covered!
I would rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy
Thank you, my friend, for those words of encouragemenently. I am currently putting together a book proposal for a book by the same name as the above essay. Hopefully, I can find an agent willing to take it on. I have a pretty major agent who wants to look at it but she said she wouldn't personally represent it but would send it along to some friends who she thought might be interested. We'll see. Atheists are still the last unprotected minorities and discrimination against us does not so much as raise an eyebrow so I expect some interesting rejection letters.
"Religion is an insult to human dignity. With or without it, you'd have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, it takes religion."
- Steven Weinberg, Nobel Prize-winning physicist
She sounds just like an agent!
Anyway, you can help her a little by slipping her these details, if she hasn't sussed them out already:
Prometheus Books
59 John Glenn Drive
Amherst NY 14228-2197
Tel: +1 800 421-0351 / +1 716 691-0133
Fax: +1 716 691-0137
E-Mail: [email protected]
Web: http://www.prometheusbooks.com/ or http://www.hutch.demon.co.uk/prom/
I would rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy
Nice to see ya again WrathJW
I hear lyrics and music in your words .... thanks , go freedom , who would deny us ? , damn them party crashers .... "Eat the Rich" .... god dammit.
For LOVE sakes
Pantera - Revolution is my name
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzh8j2qF-WY
How do we WIN ? .... More Love Songs ? .... More communication needed for sure ....
Atheism Books.
Cool , WrathJW ,
I finally got to reading thru some of your many essays and like "awesome dude". You big hearted lover, and a fighter too. You are a good read, honest and wise.
Hey folks, really, read some WrathJW ..... see the links above and the other essays.
Atheism Books.
Thanks, my friend. I am a bit of an acquired taste, definitely not everyone's cup of tea but I'm glad you enjoyed my blog.
"Religion is an insult to human dignity. With or without it, you'd have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, it takes religion."
- Steven Weinberg, Nobel Prize-winning physicist
LOL Wrath, you is sweet !
Stay pure. BTW, when I was young and a decent gymnast, in good shape, I couldn't box for more than 5 minutes .... but I was hard to beat on the "rope climb, chains and bars" .... that was long ago ....
Thanks for being a warrior "communicator" for peace. Words are powerful.
Atheism Books.
I will say I grew up more or less an atheists except at christmas or easter when we would go to church for traditional purposes, and even then I would sleep through it, as the idea of hell really never bothered me, could be because I thought it was all crap. However up in Canada one can be non religious without fear of being ostracized of society....for the most part, we do have our bible belt pockets but that's a different topic. With that said it's always interesting and quite an eye opener to hear stories of those of other cultures/races and religious views, mainly because I have to admit that even though I am technically part of a minority (Latin, but I am the fair skin type from Spanish heritage) I have never felt that way, nor treated that way (ok until I went to the south US and mentioned i was Spanish......fuck they can be retarded down there at times). I grew up with Irish, Scots, English, Inuits, Jamaicans (and their love of Bob Marley has led me to many nights of drinking, smoking and dancing with that community) and Guyanese. But the experiences are far different than those that I know from the US.
That was a good read and well written. I find that those that grew up with religion find self doubt a hard thing, and doubt in god to be even harder, I personally believe that it's due to the fact it's hard for people to change. It's like most things we humans are creatures of habit and once that's set, it's really hard to change, and with religion it's a far harder thing because it's ingrained into society, you know many family members that are religious, same goes with friends and co-workers. Which where a sense of belonging comes in and it's that feeling of belonging that is hard to give up well, the idea that if we don't believe, we won't belong (which is a bunch a crap but that's a different story). But now I have to read some more of your site. Thanks for that.
"I further speculated that perhaps all Black people were reincarnated sinners."
"I think I had stopped believing in a God that intervened on man's behalf even before I had stopped believing in Santa Clause."
"If God was Black then he was just another bourgie nigga who got large and forgot where he came from."
Just incredible, what an amazing read I was glued to my seat after the first paragraph, I hope you do end up publishing a book I would read it from cover to cover.
Beautifully written. I look forward to more of your writings.