That will be a mighty tall order without more information to go on. I did about a half dozen google searches and only got pretty much the usual variations of the bible.

Quite honestly, the bible is so fucked from scribal errors, that it is not possible to reconcile all of the issues. Prior to the invention of the printing press around 1440 or so, all copies of the bible had to be hand written from some previous version. Every time that a scribe made an error, that error could be repeated in later copies made from the copy with the error.

Common errors include:

Skipping a line or two because one line began or ended with the same word as the next line and the scribe just failed to notice.

Copying a word once where it appeared twice in the previous version.

Accidentally switching around two letters, words of phrases.

Accidentally changing some bit of text into another because of a misread.

Intentionally changing stuff around because the copyist thought that he had found an error and changing it to what he thought the passage ought to say.

One that I find to be especially amusing is a copy of the gospel of Luke where the scribe did not realize that the copy he was working from was set up as two columns on a page. He read it as a single column and totally rearranged everything.

Then too, some stuff was added much later because it sounded like a good idea at the time.

When Mel Gibson released “The Passion” a few years ago, one of the only bits of the bible that he used from earlier than the actual day of the crucifixion was the bit about “let he who is without sin cast the first stone”. Apparently, he did not know that that was added sometime in the tenth century.

Also added at about the same time were the last twelve verses of the gospel of Mark. No earlier copies have those verses in them. However, there are a bunch of yahoos in the eastern part of the US that are so in love with the bit about christians being able to handle poisonous snakes that they bring copper heads and rattlers to church and dance around with them.

Once in a while one of them will get bitten. Mind you, they are usually using the small ones from a subpopulation with weak venom but even so, people have “died for the lie” as it were.

Even with a printing press, errors still get in once in a while. One version from 1631 omitted the word “not” from the seventh commandment, thus reading as “Thou shalt commit adultery”. Another from 1716 switched the word “no” to “on” in one passage. Thus after the bit about :Let he who is without sin” the woman accused of adultery is told by Jesus to “go and sin on more”.

the title of the thread is misleading, implies there is a non-crazy version of the bible

there is not

Just some friendly advice, I am a horrible speller as well. But with most websites now, when you type in a misspelled word, it will be underlined in red. Open another window in google and type the word, it will say something like "Did you mean.......(word here)."

I am not a spelling Nazi, but that red line has helped force me to look up words and spell them correctly making me less lazy about it.  The red line bugs me to the point of looking up the word. And if I hit submit and realize I have made a mistake, if I can go back and correct it, I do.

Being a bad speller only means you are a bad speller, and believe me, I am too. It doesn't mean you are a bad person or a stupid person, it just means there are some things you are better at and some things you are not so good at. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to do the best you can now that the internet makes it so easy to look up words.

As an aside to this website, it does bother me that I cant edit the OP in a thread I started, for reasons just like this. I hit submit first out of fear of losing my thoughts, but would like the ability to correct my mistakes.(NOTE TO WEBSITE,)

Start a post.  Hit Preview Comment button.  It saves your post!  You can go back to the previous page and edit from there.  Preview, back, edit, preview, back, edit, preview, back, edit --- some posts take awhile.  Or, back to the "recent posts" page and drop the whole post.  Sometimes I sound pretty inane to myself.

We once speculated on the possibility of an asshole-seeking missile.  Gave it up as a bad deal - it's a target rich environment.  Probably the same for bullshit-detection software.

Edit: The system won't actually post the post until you hit "Post Comment".  So you can navigate away from the whole thing and it disappears.  That can be a good thing.