Howdy
Offline Howdy. My name's Billy Bob. I'm an all American, ex-military, Bible believin' Baptist. I believe every single word of the Bible without exception. I'm not one of those sissy Christians who believe only the parts that sound pretty. I only wear wholecloth. I believe the law should provide for the stoning of disobedient children. I believe Jesus is my Savior.
I look forward to teachin' you atheists a thing or two about there bein' a God. Foremost, I want you all to understand that pretending there's no God won't justify you havin' anal sex or worshipping false idols. God knows He's real and so should you.
In case any of you come at me with the argument, "how do you know your religion is the right one. There's so many religions!" I'll just have you know right up front that the KJV1611 only endorses True Christianity, and that's the only religion that they teach at my church.
I defy you all to prove to me that the Bible is not the inerrant Word of God, and that you are not all damned.
The Truest Christian these atheists will ever meet. I worship the only Lord at the Church with the Truest Christians: Landover Baptist.
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Since you are a true believer in the KJV (King James was a butt fucker btw). Could you please explain the first commandment. "Have no other God before me" What other gods is your god so up and worried about?
"Very funny Scotty; now beam down our clothes."
VEGETARIAN: Ancient Hindu word for "lousy hunter"
If man was formed from dirt, why is there still dirt?
All I have to say is "el oh el"
And do you happen to know Leeroy Jenkins?
Like most questions, the KJV1611 also contains the answer to that:
Judg:2:11: And the children of Israel did evil in the sight of the LORD, and served Baalim:
Judg:2:13: And they forsook the LORD, and served Baal and Ashtaroth.
Judg:3:7: And the children of Israel did evil in the sight of the LORD, and forgat the LORD their God, and served Baalim and the groves.
Judg:8:33: And it came to pass, as soon as Gideon was dead, that the children of Israel turned again, and went a whoring after Baalim, and made Baal-berith their god.
Judg:10:6: And the children of Israel did evil again in the sight of the LORD, and served Baalim, and Ashtaroth, and the gods of Syria, and the gods of Zidon, and the gods of Moab, and the gods of the children of Ammon, and the gods of the Philistines, and forsook the LORD, and served not him.
Judg:10:10: And the children of Israel cried unto the LORD, saying, We have sinned against thee, both because we have forsaken our God, and also served Baalim.
1Sam:7:3: And Samuel spake unto all the house of Israel, saying, If ye do return unto the LORD with all your hearts, then put away the strange gods and Ashtaroth from among you, and prepare your hearts unto the LORD, and serve him only: and he will deliver you out of the hand of the Philistines.
1Sam:7:4: Then the children of Israel did put away Baalim and Ashtaroth, and served the LORD only.
1Sam:12:10: And they cried unto the LORD, and said, We have sinned, because we have forsaken the LORD, and have served Baalim and Ashtaroth: but now deliver us out of the hand of our enemies, and we will serve thee.
1Sam:31:10: And they put his armour in the house of Ashtaroth: and they fastened his body to the wall of Beth-shan.
1Kgs:18:18: And he answered, I have not troubled Israel; but thou, and thy father's house, in that ye have forsaken the commandments of the LORD, and thou hast followed Baalim.
2Chron:17:3: And the LORD was with Jehoshaphat, because he walked in the first ways of his father David, and sought not unto Baalim;
2Chron:24:7: For the sons of Athaliah, that wicked woman, had broken up the house of God; and also all the dedicated things of the house of the LORD did they bestow upon Baalim.
2Chron:28:2: For he walked in the ways of the kings of Israel, and made also molten images for Baalim.
2Chron:33:3: For he built again the high places which Hezekiah his father had broken down, and he reared up altars for Baalim, and made groves, and worshipped all the host of heaven, and served them.
2Chron:34:4: And they brake down the altars of Baalim in his presence; and the images, that were on high above them, he cut down; and the groves, and the carved images, and the molten images, he brake in pieces, and made dust of them, and strowed it upon the graves of them that had sacrificed unto them.
Jer:2:23: How canst thou say, I am not polluted, I have not gone after Baalim? see thy way in the valley, know what thou hast done: thou art a swift dromedary traversing her ways;
Jer:9:14: But have walked after the imagination of their own heart, and after Baalim, which their fathers taught them:
Hosea:2:13: And I will visit upon her the days of Baalim, wherein she burned incense to them, and she decked herself with her earrings and her jewels, and she went after her lovers, and forgat me, saith the LORD.
Hosea:2:17: For I will take away the names of Baalim out of her mouth, and they shall no more be remembered by their name.
Hosea:11:2: As they called them, so they went from them: they sacrificed unto Baalim, and burned incense to graven images.
Rom:11:4: But what saith the answer of God unto him? I have reserved to myself seven thousand men, who have not bowed the knee to the image of Baal.
2Pt:2:15: Which have forsaken the right way, and are gone astray, following the way of Balaam the son of Bosor, who loved the wages of unrighteousness;
Jude:1:11: Woe unto them! for they have gone in the way of Cain, and ran greedily after the error of Balaam for reward, and perished in the gainsaying of Core.
Rv:2:14: But I have a few things against thee, because thou hast there them that hold the doctrine of Balaam, who taught Balac to cast a stumblingblock before the children of Israel, to eat things sacrificed unto idols, and to commit fornication. ,
The Truest Christian these atheists will ever meet. I worship the only Lord at the Church with the Truest Christians: Landover Baptist.
Since you're winkin' at me I'll presume you're joking somehow, even though my first impulse was that you're probably a homer. I don't know any Leeroy Jenkinses personally, no.
The Truest Christian these atheists will ever meet. I worship the only Lord at the Church with the Truest Christians: Landover Baptist.
OK, do you believe in the literal truth of Mark 16:18?
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Mark 16:17-18 (for context)
17And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues;
18They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.
Darn tootin' I believe that! Every word of it.
The Truest Christian these atheists will ever meet. I worship the only Lord at the Church with the Truest Christians: Landover Baptist.
and their fixation with anal sex? If you secretly want to twiddle your prostate, Billy, why don't you go do it in the privacy of your own home instead of talking about it here? Maybe we could discuss something specifically relevant - the fact the bible is a total crock of shit, for instance, with no shred of proof beyond the fevered imaginations of pin-dicks like you.
"Experiments are the only means of knowledge at our disposal. The rest is poetry, imagination." Max Planck
Come to the Lord before it's too late!
Have you been baptised?
The Truest Christian these atheists will ever meet. I worship the only Lord at the Church with the Truest Christians: Landover Baptist.
You are fucken hilarious, Billy Bob. Serrated tallywhackers. Yikes. Which of our resident nutcases are you? In any case, don't go away. It's been a bit quiet around here and an All American baptist is welcome.
What the fuck is 'All American' anyway. Aren't you guys a compilation of the earth's poor huddled masses and consequently, the world's first and most successful multicultural society?
"Experiments are the only means of knowledge at our disposal. The rest is poetry, imagination." Max Planck
The Truest Christian these atheists will ever meet. I worship the only Lord at the Church with the Truest Christians: Landover Baptist.
Then do you bring rattle snakes with you to church?
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Heck no, I ain't no pew jumpin' penecostal! They're all damned! That "tongues" they talk is just them communin' with DEMONS. You might as well worship buffalo and do yoga if you're gonna be a penecostal.
Luke 4:12 (King James Version)
12And Jesus answering said unto him, It is said, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God.
penecostals is a bunch of snake fondling God tempters.
The Truest Christian these atheists will ever meet. I worship the only Lord at the Church with the Truest Christians: Landover Baptist.
This will certainly be an entertaining thread. It's too obvious when you play to all of the obnoxious stereotypes. Sophisticated trolling is a much more subtle art form.
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The Truest Christian these atheists will ever meet. I worship the only Lord at the Church with the Truest Christians: Landover Baptist.
Haha, like I said, entertaining. But the character you are trying to play wouldn't be clever enough to be so witty, would he?
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Welcome to the forum, Billy Bob.
Literally? Everything? Including all of Genesis and Revelation? Exodus? Leviticus? Deuteronomy? Numbers? Job?
I'm tempted to call Poe.
But, anyways, do you have children? So, if there was law providing for the stoning of disobedient children, would you stone your children?
How about rape victims who don't cry out?
If a damsel that is a virgin be betrothed unto an husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with her; Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, being in the city. Deuteronomy 22:23-24
Or people in your own family that turn to other Gods?
If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which thou hast not known, thou, nor thy fathers;
Namely, of the gods of the people which are round about you, nigh unto thee, or far off from thee, from the one end of the earth even unto the other end of the earth;
Thou shalt not consent unto him, nor hearken unto him; neither shall thine eye pity him, neither shalt thou spare, neither shalt thou conceal him:
But thou shalt surely kill him; thine hand shall be first upon him to put him to death, and afterwards the hand of all the people.
And thou shalt stone him with stones, that he die; because he hath sought to thrust thee away from the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage. Deuteronomy 13:6-10
Or how about people that gather sticks on the sabbath?
And while the children of Israel were in the wilderness, they found a man that gathered sticks upon the sabbath day.
And they that found him gathering sticks brought him unto Moses and Aaron, and unto all the congregation.
And they put him in ward, because it was not declared what should be done to him.
And the LORD said unto Moses, The man shall be surely put to death: all the congregation shall stone him with stones without the camp.
And all the congregation brought him without the camp, and stoned him with stones, and he died; as the LORD commanded Moses. Numbers 15:32-36
Okay, how do you know that this religion is the right one?
And....you do know that the KJV is translated from other languages, right?
Since the theist is making the positive claim, can you prove beyond a reasonable that the Bible is the word of God and that we are damned?
Okay, I'll bite anyways. Let's start simple. In Genesis 1, God makes day and night before he makes the sun and the moon. How is this possible?
Our revels now are ended. These our actors, | As I foretold you, were all spirits, and | Are melted into air, into thin air; | And, like the baseless fabric of this vision, | The cloud-capped towers, the gorgeous palaces, | The solemn temples, the great globe itself, - Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve, | And, like this insubstantial pageant faded, | Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff | As dreams are made on, and our little life | Is rounded with a sleep. - Shakespeare
But that is just how you secular types are. You gloss the conversation up with complements and big words, all the while ignoring Jesus and hoping everyone will just forget about His Law. You think maybe if you're charismatic enough, you can hypnotize everyone into some sort of messy perversion that will make their junk sting and make them late for church the next morning. But a Man of God knows better than to fall for your depraved schemes.
The Truest Christian these atheists will ever meet. I worship the only Lord at the Church with the Truest Christians: Landover Baptist.
Heh, I wish I could say that I'm certain this is satire. But, I've seen enough crazy in my time.........
Our revels now are ended. These our actors, | As I foretold you, were all spirits, and | Are melted into air, into thin air; | And, like the baseless fabric of this vision, | The cloud-capped towers, the gorgeous palaces, | The solemn temples, the great globe itself, - Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve, | And, like this insubstantial pageant faded, | Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff | As dreams are made on, and our little life | Is rounded with a sleep. - Shakespeare
This is much too obvious. Apparently I suddenly need to be stoned for the anal sex in which I have absolutely no interest.
Faith is the word but next to that snugged up closely "lie's" the want.
"By simple common sense I don't believe in god, in none."-Charlie Chaplin
You're getting better, but 'hypnotize,' 'perversion' and 'depraved' are words likely too big for such a simple mind as you hope to portray, no? Axe-wielders are hardly concerned with dictionaries and thesauruses. It's all about hard work, beer, and pussy. Certainly you know that?
Butterbattle, definitely Poe.
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"Experiments are the only means of knowledge at our disposal. The rest is poetry, imagination." Max Planck
You bet I would stone my children -for a pattern of disobedience- if the cowardly secularists would allow it.
The Truest Christian these atheists will ever meet. I worship the only Lord at the Church with the Truest Christians: Landover Baptist.
Was my assumption from the start, much too obvious. Good portrayl of an excellent reason to be an atheist though I'll give um that.
Faith is the word but next to that snugged up closely "lie's" the want.
"By simple common sense I don't believe in god, in none."-Charlie Chaplin
So you fear secularists more than God? He certainly won't be happy with you, then.
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I am very well rounded. I read a lot (the Bible).
The Truest Christian these atheists will ever meet. I worship the only Lord at the Church with the Truest Christians: Landover Baptist.
Haha, this is hilarious!
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Lol good one.
Faith is the word but next to that snugged up closely "lie's" the want.
"By simple common sense I don't believe in god, in none."-Charlie Chaplin
From all the Budweiser, right?
Bah beat me too it.
Faith is the word but next to that snugged up closely "lie's" the want.
"By simple common sense I don't believe in god, in none."-Charlie Chaplin
It was worth getting quoted twice.
1 Peter 2:13-14 (King James Version)
13Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme;
14Or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well.
The Truest Christian these atheists will ever meet. I worship the only Lord at the Church with the Truest Christians: Landover Baptist.
Excellent quote, a good point ole king james made sure was "translated" properly I'm sure.
Faith is the word but next to that snugged up closely "lie's" the want.
"By simple common sense I don't believe in god, in none."-Charlie Chaplin
I'm going to bed now, I hope to wake in the morning to a bit of comic relief in the continuation of this thread.
Faith is the word but next to that snugged up closely "lie's" the want.
"By simple common sense I don't believe in god, in none."-Charlie Chaplin
Lol, I'm sorry. If you had toned it down a bit, I might have given another serious response, but this is too much.
Our revels now are ended. These our actors, | As I foretold you, were all spirits, and | Are melted into air, into thin air; | And, like the baseless fabric of this vision, | The cloud-capped towers, the gorgeous palaces, | The solemn temples, the great globe itself, - Yea, all which it inherit, shall dissolve, | And, like this insubstantial pageant faded, | Leave not a rack behind. We are such stuff | As dreams are made on, and our little life | Is rounded with a sleep. - Shakespeare
how would you define free will? Is free will a sort of universal constant or is it a subjective experience - something we can imagine but never really attain?
Also, do you think there is anything to be read into the fact it was Eve who tricked Adam into eating of the magic breadfruit tree and not the other way around?
After all, Eve had been talking parsel mouth with that snake. I wonder if it was a metaphor for something else.
"Experiments are the only means of knowledge at our disposal. The rest is poetry, imagination." Max Planck
Atheists struggle with the multiplicity of gods. There are so many it's hard to know which to worship. D'you think Allah and God Almighty/Jesus/Holy Ghost are really the one person? Personally I don't want to worship Osama's god and I'd be disheartened to find we were all praying to the same god-thing.
"Experiments are the only means of knowledge at our disposal. The rest is poetry, imagination." Max Planck
Know what, pum'kin? The word "hypnotize" is not in the bible. Know why? Because hypnotism had not been invented when King James ordered the bible translated.
And for your info, I'm a grandmother and totally uninterested in homosexual sex of any sort. Just why are you so concerned about it? Have some yearnings in that direction yourself?
-- I feel so much better since I stopped trying to believe.
"We are entitled to our own opinions. We're not entitled to our own facts"- Al Franken
"If death isn't sweet oblivion, I will be severely disappointed" - Ruth M.
Signature ? How ?
ha! caught you, you sumbitch! nobody south of the mason-dixon says or writes "arse." it's "ass," occasionally pronounced "ace" in some areas.
"I have never felt comfortable around people who talk about their feelings for Jesus, or any other deity for that matter, because they are usually none too bright. . . . Or maybe 'stupid' is a better way of saying it; but I have never seen much point in getting heavy with either stupid people or Jesus freaks, just as long as they don't bother me. In a world as weird and cruel as this one we have made for ourselves, I figure anybody who can find peace and personal happiness without ripping off somebody else deserves to be left alone. They will not inherit the earth, but then neither will I. . . . And I have learned to live, as it were, with the idea that I will never find peace and happiness, either. But as long as I know there's a pretty good chance I can get my hands on either one of them every once in a while, I do the best I can between high spots."
--Hunter S. Thompson
OK, no rattle snakes in church. Not because you can (you have already admitted that you totally can), rather because you prefer to make your nonsense ramblings sound like actual words (no speaking in tongues). Despite the fact that it was you who quoted Mark 16:17 and went on to state that the speaking in tongues thing is totally fine by you.
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Ephesians 5:22-24 (King James Version)
22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
As far as metaphors, there ain't no metphors in the Bible except when God says there is, like in the parables of Jesus. God means exactly what He says and says exactly what He means. It is not written in code.
The Truest Christian these atheists will ever meet. I worship the only Lord at the Church with the Truest Christians: Landover Baptist.
The Truest Christian these atheists will ever meet. I worship the only Lord at the Church with the Truest Christians: Landover Baptist.
While maybe not every atheist is a practicing homersexural, you are going to be hard pressed to convince me that you aren't into anal. I was taught that atheism is just a way that people try to justify having it, and that having it is the reason people came up with atheism.
It is also a well known fact that atheists practice abortionism. Abortionism is a philosophy and a way of life that says it is good to impregnate women and vacuum out the fetuses. These fetuses are sometimes kept in little jars or fish tanks, and sometimes they are used in satanic ritual. It all depends on the particular sect of atheism you are dealing with.
The Truest Christian these atheists will ever meet. I worship the only Lord at the Church with the Truest Christians: Landover Baptist.
The Truest Christian these atheists will ever meet. I worship the only Lord at the Church with the Truest Christians: Landover Baptist.
-- I feel so much better since I stopped trying to believe.
"We are entitled to our own opinions. We're not entitled to our own facts"- Al Franken
"If death isn't sweet oblivion, I will be severely disappointed" - Ruth M.
I'll tell you what, life sure is awesome when you're a practicing homersexural AND abortionist. Because obviously homosexuals need abortion when they get pregnant through anal sex. Your momma didn't teach you so well, did she?
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The Truest Christian these atheists will ever meet. I worship the only Lord at the Church with the Truest Christians: Landover Baptist.
But weren't you touting there is no such thing as a non-homer atheist?
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