The female hunt
Offline This was an advertisement I recently had posted on facebook and other similar type community apps to my friends in my efforts to find an appropriate woman. People seem to laugh at the expense of my honesty so I figured I'd try here.
I'm a single dad, I like getting into arguments, I don't have a car, I don't even drive, I reject all gods and would like you to too, I love technology, I spend a lot of time on my computers, I'm not romantic in the slightest, My kid is better than you, I like to hang out with friends too, I have a very small amount of free time, I'm sarcastic, I'm logical, I procrastinate a lot, I can be a total ass when I'm angry, I have an insane fear of heights, I flirt with random women and don't realize it, I talk a lot about myself, I like my meat and potatoes, I'm overweight and out of shape, I enjoy video games, I snore like a mofo, I'm not creative, I don't understand a lot of art, I don't get a lot of poetry, I rationalize emotions, I turn off my emotions when I'm upset, I am bad at cleaning, I'm always behind on my laundry, and if I'm staying in for the day sometimes I don't shower.
Is there any chance you're interested?
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Well c'mon...they are cats...they aren't known for being productive.
LOL! I thought I wasn't praying hard enough, but you are right. They are cats after all. Kinda like atheists. No wonder the cat gods don't work.
Is there a teenager god? One I can pray to to exorcise the demon from my teenage daughter? Possibly The Most Holy Abercrombie Fitch?
There is a teenager god...unfortunatly he's a horny teenager boy and praying to him ... well... i don't think i need to elaborate.
No, No and NO! See this is why I don't worship gods.
Because you fear that the gods might appreciate praise a little too much?
It's understandable. I'd stick to the cat god's. They are generally quite harmless since most of the time they are asleep and the rest of the time they are ignoring you and far more fascinated by the moving object accross the room.
I think this description applies to all gods. Seriously, can't you just picture the old christian god, sleeping in his la-z-boy snoring away? Even when he wakes up all he wants is his paper and coffee and maybe a bran muffin before he turns on HBO to catch some soft porn all the while completely ignoring prayers?
And can you really blame him? I mean people have become so selfish in their prayers it's hard to filter out the ones that are worthwhile. You have someone over here praying to win a basketball game and a kid in africa praying for a glass of water.
It's amazing to me that he gets around to all those sporting events every year where he chooses half of the people praying to him over the other half that he made lose all the while letting that kid die of dehydration. But of course, god only helps those that help themselves. That kid didn't have to be born into an area with no clean water. He could have chosen to be a multi-million dollar football player instead.
Poor god. It must get tough trying to put up with all the dolts in the world and their selfish requests. Don't they understand that the guy needs his fiber and a little 'alone' time every now and again?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT anger the Cat Gods. If you do, my Winston will personally come to your house and "eliminate" on your carpet.
However, for those newer members, here's an old tread about why there are so many cat lovers of this forum.
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Nice thread...I personally rather like cats. But I've been sad since my last one left and I don't get over pets easily. I worked from home and got him when was just a tiny one. He slept on my desk beside my keyboard, or curled up beside me with a blanket while I worked. He was awesome.
I'm sorry about your kitty.
I know what it's like to miss them for a long time. I lost a very special one on Memorial Day 2002. I still miss her.
In 2004, I lost one in March (long term kidney failure) and then I lost three within a span of 7 weeks. They all died from something different. None of the three had been sick and none were sick for more than 24 hours. It really sucked.
You know it's bad when you call the nice lady that sells pet urns and you're on a first name basis.
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Aww, that's sad =( Poor Susan.
That's rough. I don't like having a lot of pets/cats. I used to have 3, but I really just focused on the one that was mine (other two were my ex's really). I don't have the ability to give as much attention as I'd like to to that many cats.
Yeah, I have several claim "attention deficit disorder" because they think they are deficit in the attention department!
Trust me, they get plenty of attention.
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Oh, I'm sure they do. I just know I couldn't do it. Not now anyways.
I detest arguing with a lady but will do so here. Intellectuals exist in the midwest but are forced to hide from the roving packs of Christians that roam the streets at will. I am forced to live in the attic of a very kind Belgian, Lutheran couple, who smuggle food to me. If the packs find me, they will send me to atheist internment camps.
"Tis better to rule in Hell than to serve in Heaven." -Lucifer
Here I am, happily reading through the forums and what do I come across... not just a fellow Vancouverite, but one from New West as well. Howdy, neighbour.
I figured I'd pipe in on this one for the pet theme... I too just lost a pet, my dog, to the terrible affliction known as "the EX". Damnit. Dogs are a great conversation starter for the single guy, but I'm a more than a little heartborken over this. So, no new four legged companion for a while. I'll have to rely on my personality instead. Sad thought.
T - there's a great theatre in the round on West 12th near Granville as well as the Arts Club on Granville Island. If you're going to check out good theatre in our area, it's easy to get to and ticket prices are pretty good.
There are two seasons in Canada, Hockey season and not-Hockey season.
Canada: 16% Atheist and growing.
You sound perfect for me especially because you said:
"I have a very small amount of free time."
I have a very small amount of interest.
Hey, we're perfect for each other.
Tobey and LuLu are beautiful!
Thanks for the welcome. I'm actually new to new west (just jumped over from Coquitlam). Not a bad area...and luckily I haven't gotten flooded out of my place just yet.
I'll be sure to try to give one of those a shot...if I can ever find the time
Seems to be short supply.
I just moved here from the Drive. It's a little less busy and a lot more quiet.
Ah, time. That's the kicker, isn't it. If you can make the time, it's well worth it. I love my sports, but there's definitely something about live theatre, music and other performances that can just draw you in.
There are two seasons in Canada, Hockey season and not-Hockey season.
Canada: 16% Atheist and growing.
Ouch!
I got all optimistic when I saw a new gorgeous woman had replied to my singles ad, but then it just turns out to be a kick to the gut while I'm on the ground!
Don't be hatin' Teresa...I'm a lover not a hater.
It's so true. I had said that I haven't gotten into the theatre much, but I've always loved the VSO and all the big musicals that come to town. Music has always struck a cord with me a lot more than theatre has. Even the musicals I get lost in the music and not so much the acting bits or even the storyline.
That said, I haven't been to either in awhile now. Fortunatly there's at least cd's and mp3's to keep me entertained. Though I was rather annoyed at myself for not catching the Phantom last time they were in town. It's always been one of my favorite musicals.
Indeed. A former roommate and a dear friend (also, ironically, born again) is a classical musician who has played for the VSO from time to time. Her main gig is with the OSO in Kelowna. I had the pleasure of being her page turner for Tchaikovsky's 5th one year during the gal. I can't read a lick of music either. She just nodded when the page needed turning.
I put together swing dance events and do bring in live bands on occassion. September is my next scheduled band, but if you like live jazz, it's going to be a great show.
There are two seasons in Canada, Hockey season and not-Hockey season.
Canada: 16% Atheist and growing.
Look at my blog! It's awesome!
I'm also on this Twitter thing
. . . just my own lame attempt at humor. I thought your ad was quite amusing, actually . . . how could I hate someone so self-depracating, anyway?
And btw, I got a zillion unwanted emails from this site for posting a few posts here & there; sheesh! I'd better change my settings.
It wasn't that lame...I was just playing along
Zilion unwanted emails.
I've only received a message from 1 person through this thing. Fortuntaly it was from a sexy babe...unfortunatly it wasn't taking me up on my ad.
. . . is in jail for violating her probation. When she gets out, I'm sure she'll be in touch, Tarpan!
be nice!
Awwww...I thought it was nice that he called her "sexy"!
Just the one? You know what that means? She must be the right one.
Teresea - Tobey and LuLu thank you for the compliments, but Kiwi is really the handsome one. Eventually I will figure out how to post his pic.
Nero - are you keeping a diary?
What can I say, I'm a man of truth and honesty. I just tell it like it is. And she might be the right one...I'll have to take counsel with a local cat god to seek the answer.
I understand the "zillion" emails.
In your profile, you can elect to be notified by email if someone posts in a thread where you have posted.
It's daunting!
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Ohh, I must have turned those off from the start. I was getting jealous by all the private messaging going on that everyone was excluding me from. I even went and got some axe body spray just in case.
So that was the reason for the stampede of hot women through Queens Park. Gotta get me some of that.
There are two seasons in Canada, Hockey season and not-Hockey season.
Canada: 16% Atheist and growing.
I just swallowed my gum I was laughing so hard.
Come to New Jersey. We don't care if you atheist, Christian, Buddhist, etc. We hate everyone the same.
If god takes life he's an indian giver
New Jersey eh...
You people need to learn to love your hockey team. I would kill to have been in a town to win multiple cups and have a guy that will likely go down as the greatest goaltender to ever play hockey play his career there. And you guys don't even sellout your playoff games. It depresses me so much to see you New Jersey residents not properly respecting Mr. Brodeur and the Devils.
We have a hockey team?
If god takes life he's an indian giver
Ironically enough: The New Jersey Devils
pariah, that hurt
Susan, soooooo much irony there. Especially considering you have one of the most angelic goaltenders. So do those notions nullify each other and make the team atheistic?
There are two seasons in Canada, Hockey season and not-Hockey season.
Canada: 16% Atheist and growing.
Aww, just teasin'. I love the fact that they are named after this state's biggest urban legend.
I played field hockey in high school, do I get any points for that?
If god takes life he's an indian giver
I'll only consider giving you points as long as you never call hockey "ice hockey"
There's hockey, and field hockey.
I'm comin out to Jersey and takin you to a hockey game. It's good times.
LOL. I heard blood bounces on ice. Is that true? If so, I'm totally down for a hockey game.
If god takes life he's an indian giver
Hmm, I'm not sure. Most of the time when there is blood that's dropping on the ice it's a player low to the ice and it's gushing.
I'm sure blood on the ice doesn't happen these days nearly as much as it did back in "my day." Yup, the days before all the players had to wear helmets and the benches emptied with regularity.
Ah, for the old days of the Plager Brothers in St. Louis. And, oh my, I got to meet Garry Unger once at IHOP. My life was then complete!
Hockey is the only sport I enjoy and only if it's in person. I have questioned the family tree of many an official.
Kansas City has tried twice to have a hockey team - the Blades were actually pretty good, too. Unfortunately, people around here just don't get it for some reason.
You know you're in trouble when the progam has two pages explaining the rules of the game. *sigh*
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"Submitted by Susan on Tue, 2007-06-05 21:14.
I understand the "zillion" emails.
In your profile, you can elect to be notified by email if someone posts in a thread where you have posted.
It's daunting!"
Thanks, Susan. I did notice that and I believe I turned it off the day before yesterday . . . maybe I need to make an offering to the Spam gods . . .
I just checked your account and you do, in fact, have the email notification for thread subscriptions turned off.
If you're still getting them, let me know in a PM and I'll let the powers that be know about the problem.
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You guys had the Scouts at one point.
As for everything else you've said...
where do I find one of you for my own?
phttttp. You're not old. Not even close, imo. End of discussion.
But apparently I have a better hockey team than you? LOL.
If god takes life he's an indian giver
I'm going to make a guess and say Susan is....35. And you are...28.
(I don't know if the numbers are actually somewhere, so them are my guesses.
Oh, Tarpan. Thanks for the compliment, but you're a "bit" off the mark. You might want to read one of the old threads here.
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I apparently share a birthday with Rook. 'cept I got a couple years on him.
And you make complimenting easy so don't thank me.
I wish coke was a nickle now. I really gotta stop drinking this liquified garbage.
Dunno. I was always too busy bleeding to notice if it bounced or not.
Susan, sounds like you're town might be getting another shot at pro hockey. The NHL is looking to expand there.
There are two seasons in Canada, Hockey season and not-Hockey season.
Canada: 16% Atheist and growing.