As an Atheist, I do not believe in the fabled after-life. I do not think that there is any concious thought after death occurs. And to be quite honest, this terrifies the living hell out of me. Many easily claim to not believe in the after-life, but I don't think that many truly give serious contemplative thought to what that implys. Now, Don't get me wrong, my fear is not one that is about how when we die, we are afraid to leave our family, experiences, memories, ect behind.

My fear of death is the all-consuming thought that death is the absolute end. Not that I won't be able to look back on past experiences, but that I won't be able to have anymore. Not that I won't be able to look back or be comfortable in the fact that I had experiences or memories, but that I won't be able to create anymore memories. Not that I won't be able to look back on spending time with family, or look back on past adventures, but actually not being able to spend any more time with my loved ones or have any more adventures.

Throughout my life i have been surrounded by religion in one form or another, as many many other people have. And while growing up one of my most enduring personality traits has been my inability to just accept something without first understanding. And as hard as some people have tried to make me believe in the bible and its"teachings", the more i grew convinced that something was very wrong with the whole picture. And as i learned more and more about history, science, psychology, and human behavior the more i became convinced that religion is just a very complex and old form of control and manipulation.

The following is my response to mountaineer copied from the forums verbatim. I got quite ticked by his perpetual circular argument

Well, let me sum it all up for you in a nice and not-so-mind-bending package

As human beings, we owe to ourselves to be honest with ourselves and other people. Believing in something without having a slightest justification is an equivalent of lying to yourself. Every human being has a right, I would even say a God given right to lie to themselves; however, that right stops the moment you are trying to tell a lie to another person as if it was truth. That's deception: disgusting, dishonest, and most amoral of all evil things a person can do, for deception is rooted in cowardice and fear - the innate fear that you are wrong and that all your hard effort is in vain and that in the end there is no reward and you will die just like everyone else - lucky if without suffering. Deception is the worst of all evils because it undermines mutual trust, erodes perception of reality, shuns away the truth, and people who engage in all of that typically do not have the balls to admit it.

So... where to begin?

Hmm... I know:

I remember as a young boy of nine years of age (or was it ten? It's so long ago I can't honestly remember) sitting in a pew in a church, cub scout uniform on and knees relatively unscabbed listening to some geezer declaiming from the pulpit. It was Easter Sunday and the church was pretty full - as well as our pack and a couple of others there were a few Scout troops and Girl Guide units (they didn't mix in these days - Scouts for boys, Guides for girls) plus the usual crowd of regular worshippers and a number of guilty souls who had obviously made the effort because "Well, it is Easter".

I was asked in an email why I left the church. She asked why I was apostate and how I could live with myself and my decision. She continued by asking what made me that way. We had gone to church together when I was younger and she just couldn't understand how someone who was as good as me could be that person. With the accusations of my devoutly Mormon older brother echoing in my mind ("You think you are so much better than me because you were MORMON once but your not. I know more than you will ever know. I know I'm right and I know you are wrong and any time you ever want to debate that let me know because in one hour I can smash everything you ever thought into a pulp. I know exactly how people like you think.) And my other brother telling me "when mom found out you had your records removed and left the church she told everyone and it sounded like she was telling everyone that you had had an abortion or something."

Now, this post really has nothing to do with theism, atheism, or really much more than this personal crossroads I've reached. I'm really looking for some intellegent advice on finding a entry level position in my field.

I just gradutated with a 3.1 GPA from Indiana State University with a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Graphic Design. My current residence is in Kokomo, Indiana. I've spent this past week after graduation not doing much, just recharging my batteries and this week starts the dreaded job search. Here-in lies my problem. I'm feeling sort of anxious about the job search, I've spent my last 6 years working retail and going to school (which is evident by my GPA) and I've always felt that I was more than prepared for finding work, and now I'm not feeling so sure.